Hermione: Against All Odds
by Patricia de Lioncourt
Summary: In response to the Guild of the Fantastic Quill's Sue Slaying challenge. Hermione is plagued with a Mary Sue problem. She must be gotten rid of. How can she possible accomplish such a task against one so perfect?


A/N- Okay, so this is in response to the Guild of the Fantastic Quill's Sue Slaying challenge. In it, you had to choose one of three options and write: either write as a Mary-Sue, meet and deal with a Mary-Sue, or kill a Mary-Sue. I chose the second option, and decided to write as a canon character encountering a Mary-Sue. So, this is done all in good fun, so please, be kind in your reviews. Also, this doesn't have a definite timeline setting, just somewhere post-OOTP and pre-DH. Really, probably set somewhere inside HBP. Enjoy!

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter. It belongs to JK Rowling. And I don't own the idea of the Mary-Sue. Mary-Sue, I believe, was the product of a bunch of good character ideas gone terribly wrong.

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**Hermione: Against All Odds**

She was a Mary-Sue. And Hermione knew it. She had heard of them before, encountered them on the internet while at home during the summer. She was too damned perfect. And with a name like Sunny Dawn…well, it was just obvious.

In the short time since her arrival at Hogwarts from a distant, Transylvanian wizarding school in which she had battled the forces of evil incarnate (and won, of course), she had been a pain in Hermione's life. A constant thorn in the girl's side. Sunny had only been at Hogwarts for a week, and already she had more entanglements than Harry himself.

She had long, white-blonde hair that extended to her waist, lavender eyes that just screamed innocence (and yet, experience still), and a slender, hour-glass body type. She was fair skinned, played Quidditch like a pro, and there just wasn't a spell that Sunny could not perform. Harry and Ron and Draco and Dean and Fred and George and most the teachers were enamored with her in one way or another. The younger boys were proclaiming their love for her left and right, and the teachers couldn't lavish her with enough praise. She graciously accepted the teachers' praise, turning it upon them ten-fold, cooing how she could not have become as good as she was without their teaching. And, as for the boys' attention, she denied them all, for her heart belonged, seemingly, to only one: Professor Snape. She was his stalwart defender against all slander towards the potions master. And, on top of all of this…she was possibly related to Lord Voldemort himself!

It made Hermione sick. Physically sick. And now, as she sat in the Great Hall, just four people away from Sunny and her admiring crowds, she knew that she just had to get rid of her. She had to get this girl out of her life before something…unnatural happened. She had a feeling that Sunny was soon going to discover she had the ability to perform ancient magicks or something. Well, Hermione was not going to stand for that.

Hermione scoffed at the way Ron practically drooled over Sunny's delicate form. Really, Harry ought to be out learning about how to defeat Voldemort, not sitting here gawking at the girl. Hermione cast an eye up at the teachers' table. Snape, the one who seemed immune to Sunny like she was, was now casting a wary glance over at the blonde-haired beauty. Had he finally fallen prey to her charms? He looked away suddenly, trying to look as if his eyes had never left his plate. Hermione cast her eyes back in Sunny's direction…who was staring at Snape with a girlish blush on her cheeks.

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them, she grabbed her books and began to depart from the hall. She was truly alone in this endeavor.

"Oy, Hermione, where are you going?" Ron called suddenly.

Hermione paused for only a second as she noticed that Sunny was staring kindly at her, almost begging her to join her little cult of followers. Hermione suppressed a growl.

"Library," she snapped.

"Okay, please, hurry back!" Sunny's delicate voice trailed after her.

Hermione released her growl as soon as she was on course for the library. Even though she had been rather cold to Sunny, the Sue (as Hermione had begun to think of her) had been nothing but kind to her. Really, she could just gag.

She entered the library just in time to see Professor Dumbledore exit, talking with Professor McGonagall. He smiled briefly at Hermione as he passed. Hermione, however, scowled, hearing the two's conversation.

"Really, she's quite a pupil, Albus. Did you hear what she did in Charms?" McGonagall said, amazement and pride coloring her voice.

"No, Minerva. Oh, I had heard rumblings of rumors, but nothing definite. Seems she accomplished something?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh, yes, indeed. She created a charm that allows anyone to speak to someone beyond the veil that was discovered in the Ministry of Magic. In fact, she contacted Sirius Black himself!"

"Oh, really? How is he?"

The professors disappeared around a corner, and Hermione bit her lip hard, trying not to scream. She stalked her way into the library, ignoring Madame Pinch's shushing noises, and made her way to the back. Watching out for the old librarian, she waited until her back was turned. Once it was, she slipped into the adjoining Restricted Section, reemerging with several old tomes.

She threw them open, hoping that none were of the screaming variety, and began to scan the pages.

"No, no, too violent. No matter how much I'd like to…" Hermione muttered, going over list after list of old hexes.

She pushed one book aside and pulled another musty volume towards her. Opening, she coughed at the small cloud of dust that emitted. When she had waved it clear, she found that she was staring at a book containing old, nearly outlawed potions. That would be fitting…taken out by the very profession her one true love practiced…

Hermione shook her head. No matter how much she hated this girl and the way she made her friends and teachers fog-brained, she had to refrain from doing _too_ much to her. Otherwise…well, then she would win. And Hermione could not have that.

She scanned through the book, deciding that the potions within it were just too horrible to use in the long run. She sighed, pulling yet another book towards her.

"You shouldn't hex her, Granger," came the drawl of Pansy Parkinson.

Hermione lowered her book to see the Slytherin girl standing on the other side of the table. Without being invited to, she slipped into the seat across from Hermione. She propped up her elbows on the table, rested her head in her hands, and sighed.

"I should know," she continued. "I tried it. First row that Draco and I have ever had. So, hexing and cursing are out of the questions."

Hermione raised a brow. "What are you talking about?"

Pansy laughed, now reclining back in her chair. "Please! I know what you're here for. You're trying to get rid of _her_, Sunny. I want in. In fact, I have the perfect solution…I just need someone with Charms know-how."

Hermione pursed her lips together, considering Pansy's words. She had no reason to trust this girl, but…the look in her eye when she had said Sunny's name. That was the same look that Hermione had! Sighing, she stuck a hand out. Pansy grinned and shook it once, releasing it.

"Of course," Hermione said, "after this, we'll have to go back to being enemies…otherwise, we're fighting against this girl for nothing."

Pansy nodded. "Wouldn't dream it any other way. Now, my plan goes like this…"

Hermione smiled, and it only grew wider as Pansy continued to lay out her plan. It was perfect…just perfect! One hundred percent non-lethal, and would ensure that Sunny would be out of their hair forever…

…………………

Sunny's eyes were filled with tears as she stood on the steps of Hogwarts, bags in hand. Harry, Ron, Draco, and innumerable other people stood around her, sniffling.

"But I have to go…if becoming a spy at Durmstrang could help us in defeating Voldemort…Then I'll do it. I was more than happy to accept the Minister's letter," she said through her tears to her gathered admirers.

Pansy walked up beside Hermione, who was firmly planted at the back of the crowd. The Slytherin girl smirked.

"Excellent job with that hand writing imitation charm, Granger," she murmured.

"Same to you with that imitation Ministry stationary," she whispered back.

Pansy chuckled. "We make a good team. Shame we can't use our powers further."

Hermione shook her head. "No. That wouldn't be right…and right is what we were fighting for, like it or not, Parkinson."

Pansy nodded. Then, her smirk faltered. She turned to Hermione, a little sadness in her voice when she spoke next.

"Do you…you know…feel bad, any? About sending her away for, really, no reason? I mean, the Ministry really didn't contact her."

Hermione shook her head as Sunny began her descent down the stairs, leaving once and for all.

"You know, I wish I could say that I did. But, as far as I'm concerned, she Durmstrang's problem now!"

And with that, she whirled and re-entered the castle. She took in a deep breath, relieved that the Sue was now gone. But, as she thoguht about it, she did, indeed, have a single regret. Once question that she had never dared asked Sunny, and now it was too late.

"Now _did_ she accomplish that House Elf Freedom charm?"

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End Notes: Okay, so this was obviously meant as a joke, and I hope everyone out there takes it as one. Also, I'd like to add that the qualities here-in stated do not necessarily a Sue make. It all depends on how they are mixed and meshed with the writing and canon. And I'm sure we're all guilty of a Sue thought or story now and then. I know I am. So, in the spirit of fun, let's all take a big laugh, huh? Thanks for reading! Please review!


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